This is Part 1 in a two part series on the experience of Being Stuck. In this post, I’ll talk about the reasons we get stuck and what keeps us stuck. In Part 2, I’ll offer solutions to getting unstuck.
Everyone feels stuck at some point. Maybe it’s feeling stuck in a relationship, job, circumstance, or just the feeling like your whole life is stuck. I’ve definitely been there, and what I can say about it is that the experience can feel debilitating. You know that you want better for yourself, but for one reason or another, change just doesn’t seem like a possibility. I’m a relatively positive person, and I know I have unlimited possibilities and potential—and yet I find myself stuck. Why is that?
The first realization I had about this issue was that I wasn’t really stuck. There wasn’t some outside force that was working against me, rather, the only place I truly was stuck in was my own mind. Being stuck isn’t real! It’s a psychological and emotional experience, plain and simple. This insight was a good starting point, but realizing this alone didn’t do anything. Before I could get unstuck, I had to get clear about how I got there.
Depending on the experience I was stuck in, the cause was a little different, but I ended up finding three major causes that aided me in getting stuck.
The first thing that I found was keeping me stuck was the story running in my head. It’s that script that we play over and over in our heads to ourselves, about ourselves. I realized that I was so afraid of deviating from the script, that I subconsciously kept the same old story running over and over. This was a huge insight. Depending on where I was and what I was doing, the characters and situations changed, but the underlying story remained the same. This was what is referred to as a self-fulfilling prophecy. All of the positive affirmations in the world didn’t help change things because I really had no conscious awareness of the story that was running in my mind.
Another contributing factor to me getting stuck was I had no idea who I was, and didn’t want to risk finding out. I was so stuck in the story that was running in my mind that I really had no comprehension of who I was, and what I really was capable of. I found myself sitting around wishing and waiting for a sign, or for things to miraculously change. If you do this, I can guarantee you will get stuck! The truth of who I am is that I am powerful, and completely capable of creating the life experience that I want. This concept was scary to me, though. It went against the story that was playing in my head that said “You’re a victim of circumstance. You can’t change things. Things are the way they are.”
Finally, I found that the last major thing keeping me stuck was that I had a limited perception of myself and reality that was rooted in the past. It’s very easy for what happened in the past to become our only frame of reference for what to expect to come. All I could see was how things were “back then”, and how painful it was. I tried so hard to prevent repeating my past experiences that I got stuck. No energy was being applied to a new vision for myself, but instead all of my energy was focused on just surviving, and making sure I didn’t recreate the same experiences again. This type of thinking is a one way ticket to getting stuck.
Realizing all of this helped me towards getting unstuck, but I later found that there was a piece of the puzzle I wasn’t able to see: the things that were keeping me stuck. The things that got me stuck and the things that kept me stuck were directly connected, but there was an important distinction I had to make nevertheless.
One of the biggest things I found that kept me stuck were the beliefs I held. I didn’t believe I could create a new experience for myself, or that I could transform the one I was in for one reason or another. This was often accompanied by a feeling of just generally being unmotivated. I didn’t believe I could change things, so I told myself things like: “I can’t change…It wont change…That’s just the way it is…Why bother?” Were these things true? In reality, not at all. But they might have well have been, because I believed them. Beliefs are just stories we tell ourselves over and over.
I also believed that what I saw was bigger and more powerful than I was. Feeling powerless about what I was up against kept me stuck. Playing the victim definitely kept me stuck.
Another big thing that kept me stuck was that I was just overwhelmed. Other things needed my attention, and I didn’t know what to do first or next. My thinking was scattered, and I was just generally unorganized. Sound familiar?
The final big thing that kept me stuck was Fear. Common fears that get us stuck are: fear to move, fear of failing, fear of risking something, fear of change, fear of losing, and even fear of winning.
At this point I was clear about what factors got me stuck, and what kept me stuck. I was finally ready to get unstuck. How did I do it? Read about it in Part 2!
